Broken bones, student loans and the great unknown: My university experience so far.

So as you may or may not have heard - depending upon whether or not you endure my daily Snapchats - I have recently started at university, and in true Selina-style, I have been everything but conventional about it.

ACTUALLY GETTING TO ACTUAL UNIVERSITY

My path to university was a quite different to most; I leapt straight into the world of work after school at a digital content agency, working my part-time job at a supermarket on top of this, whilst freelancing and doing lots of general work experience on the side.

Basically, I seized any opportunity that so much as breathed in my direction.

My life was completely hectic; I was always on the move; always on my way to another coffee shop, and I was totally in love with the frenzy of it all.

I'm more productive with an almost impossibly long to-do list, rather than a short (read: accomplishable) one, so the more I had to do, the more I seemed to get done.

Equally, the less I do, the less I seem to get done. Which is so unhelpful at times I can't even tell you.

Then, last December, I flew to Australia to meet my friend out there, and we went on an incredible road trip and met lots of wonderful humans, plants and animals and had the best time.

It was a completely different experience to my everyday routine - switching off allowed me to take a step back and wonder where all of this was actually taking me.

Where before I had been so sure that I was on a pretty much guaranteed path to 'success', after taking a step back and re-evaluating, I started to feel very lost.

In particular, I really couldn't shake off the, 'what if I went to university' feeling...

But then I was equally battling back and forth with the, 'what if I don't go' feeling too.

So it was all a bit confusing.

APPLYING AND TRYING AND BUYING 

I eventually decided that I would at least apply to university; I'll see if anyone wants me and go from there - I could still opt out at any time.

Applying in itself was a huge mind-battle for me. I was essentially changing religions, altering my belief from university isn't for me and I absolutely do not want to go, to university IS for me... and I might even enjoy it. It took a much bigger leap of faith than I'd ever imagined.

Fast forward a few months, and I'd got some offers back, and had visited a few universities, but none of them were clicking with me. I felt completely extraterrestrial walking around the campuses and it just didn't feel right... I was still firmly against going.

The last university to give me an offer was the London School of Economics and Political Science. I had never really considered it until I realised that if you add 'lina' onto the end of LSE, you get LSELINA... which I just really enjoyed, so that was my logic in applying for that one.

When I visited LSE, I just knew it was the right university (if any) for me. Yes this was mostly because it kind of spells my name, combined with the fact the library has a spiral staircase AND a glass elevator, but it also ticked a lot of other (more mundane) boxes too.

So after that, I took the leap. I decided I'd probably at least give university a try, even though I was still only 62% sure I wanted to go. I clicked 'accept offer', and quit my job, ready for a summer of downtime and reflection before diving into what I knew was going to be quite a different lifestyle from what I had been used to.

MY FIRST WEEK

After probably the best Summer of my life so far (it's really nice not having to sit at your desk watching other people enjoy 32 degree heat...) September came around far too quickly and before I knew it, I was an official student at LSE, and was already abusing my student discount perks as parcels from various online retailers piled up at the door...

Being slightly older, my fresher's week was really rather tame. I'm pretty much over the whole clubbing thing (disclaimer: not that I don't do it, or look down on it at all; I've just already lived that life and prefer to do other things now) ...and I'd been out in London a lot already, so the nightlife wasn't really something that attracted me. Plus the logistical nightmare of getting home (via a 1 and a half hour commute) was just a bit unbearable.

Arguably, I was being a bit antisocial, and keeping to myself. But for me, university wasn't/isn't primarily about getting myself a new set of friends; for me, it is a means to an end - all that matters to me is getting that degree at the end of it. If I get anything else out of it, then it's a bonus.

I knew I'd inevitably make friends - I just wasn't going to rush or force the process, so I relaxed and just did my own thing, knowing I'd meet people at all the societies I was going to join etc, which in my view is much easier than attempting to hear someone's name and/or life story in de club™.

The freshers fair was like nothing I've seen before. It was a bizarre sort of speed dating event where you're asked lots of questions that you can't really answer in a short space of time ranging from, "Do you care about the children of Africa?" to, "Do you any strong opinions about tea?" to perhaps the most ludicrous of all, "Would you like to join the women's rugby team?". (No offence intended... I'm just definitely 100% not destined to be a rugby player...)

I was in and out like a flash. I joined all the of the media societies, and had also been persuaded to go to Netball tryouts later that week. I needed a strong hot chocolate after that experience.

UPON DISCOVERING YOU HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MISTAKE

The course I was doing was the Bsc in Social Anthropology... "Sorry, what is that please?" I hear you politely ask. Well to be honest, to this day I'm still not entirely sure, but it's basically the study of humans, which does sound really interesting upon first hear.

However, I realised very quickly (i.e. in the first 10 minutes of my first lecture) that I really did not want to do this subject.

Cue the enormous meltdown, questioning all life decisions I have made thus far and also cue the job search and the CV revamp... I was ready to quit and go back into the world of work.

I'd gone to a philosophy lecture and had instantly clicked with it. Philosophy resides with me so naturally because most of the time I've already thought about a lot of the concepts it covers by myself; Is time real? Do we have free will? And all other sorts of existence-jeopardising questions.

I thought, maybe I can do this... if I change my course to Philosophy.

So I asked my academic advisor whether this was possible, and got a strong no.

Cue another job search and a brief meltdown before I had to compose myself for netball trials in the afternoon.

I hadn't played Netball since I was about 11, and was well aware I'm no great, dark horse in the game, but I can throw and I can catch and I can run like a baby antelope so I thought I had nothing to lose - and it would be a good way to meet people off my course.

Long story short. I got into the team. But I also broke my ankle. 

The netball girls were all so so lovely, and looked after me as my ankle slowly swelled to the size of a tennis ball before my Dad picked me up and took me to hospital, who confirmed I'd broken it.

Luckily it wasn't a bad break and would heal quite quickly, but I was sent home with my leg in a plaster cast and my mind feeling positively like mashed potato; it had been a lot to take in in just 3 days. 

After a whirlwind week, I went into hiding at my boyfriend's house in the countryside, and had some fun getting pushed about in a wheelchair everywhere, and getting waited on hand and foot. (Just the singular foot of course...)

I returned home with a much clearer head and began to investigate changing course more. I was sure I'd be allowed to change course some way; this was my money that I'm paying for my degree, surely I'd be allowed to choose what I'm studying?!

Sure enough after some investigating, I got relevant approval from both departments and was allowed to swap to Bsc Philosophy, Logic & Scientific Method.

With my ankle preventing me from braving the tubes, and the administration process for changing course taking a little while, it was week 5 before I could truly get back into the swing of things.

I was back on my feet, feeling much more positive about the course and ready to go, but I now had an almighty game of catch up to play.

ATM

So that brings me just about to where I am now; juggling both this week's workload whilst trying to catch up on the last 5 weeks' worth of work at the same time.

It hasn't been easy, but it has given me an excuse to write out extravagant to-do lists again, which is very exciting. I've started to genuinely enjoy my courses, and I've made some really wonderful friends despite missing out on all of the societies' introductory socials; I'm starting to get involved with societies as I gradually have less to catch up on and can hence gain more time to devote to these.

It was a fairly sticky start for me, and there were moments where I was wholeheartedly ready to pack it all in, but I'm glad I've persevered; I think it will be worth it in the long run.

I'm starting to believe that university is for me, and that I can do it. I realised a lot of my unwillingness to go was a due to belief that I just wouldn't be able to it justice, and I then got caught up in trying to do things differently.

I'm extremely lucky to be surrounded by amazing people in my life. And even though my life seems very confusing at times, I've relaxed; I've fallen back in love with - and am embracing - the mania, rather than being scared of it.

Because whatever happens... we'll all be alright won't we!